Crazy, mad, negative, depressing.

All the above words are what people use to describe me. my personality. Why? because I have become all the above words.

But what has happend in my 21 years of living for me to be these words.

My name is Sherene.

My childhood was OK. My mother raised me as a single parent. I was an only child for ten years and loved it. My grandmother helped to raise me and made an impact on my life. I can honestly say I love her most in this world.

As a little girl I dreamed of my wedding day like most little girls. me and my cousin shanae would play weddings. I carried my love for being a wife someday to the present day.

I have always been told I am A natural flirt, even when I was young. I don't know why people say this as I don't see it.

my mother eventually met a man. He was a nice man. He acknowleged me and I was happy. we were happy. He had other children three that I know of. My mother hated them, she did not want to know them for one reason and one reason only, their mother was white. Even though myself am mixed race, mother being black father white, she still did not like the fact that my stepdad had been with a white woman. My mother soon became pregnant, and we were playing happy families.

My dad a tall lanky white man. Never had a job, Lived alone in a council flat and was a drunk. H e had big eyes which I in herited with long eyelashes. Although he was what some would say was a bum, he was the nicest person I've ever known. He would never hurt anyone and loved animals. Growing up I would see him every weekend. "Don't take Sherene to the pub!" my mum would always shout at him. All this changed when I was 10 years old. Mum had stopped me seeing my Dad. She told me to call him Peter, and that I should try to ignore him when I see him in town. "why?" I asked confussed.
"because I said so. He is a drunk and an embarassment. If you are ever with Dave and you see him run. I don't want him to know who your dad is."

I was so confussed but I obeyed my mothers rules. Afterall a mother knows best. Right?

Two years had flown by along with two sisters. I was now In secondary school 11 going on 12. Mothers relationship with Dave was not going good arguements about his other children were constantly being dragged out.

One night Mum had let me stay up late Dave was not yet home. I could hear Mum shouting at him on the phone in that silly jamaican accent she tries to put on when she is angry. I watching cartoon network. when the front door opens. It was Dave. Mum runs to the door shouting at him, going all up in his face. He goes up stairs mum follows behind. I go to the bottom of the stairs to try and hear what they are talking about. "don't touch me woman I am not in the mood" I could hear from the top of the stairs. Dave continued " I'm warning you! leave me alone."
He came running down the stairs mum in tow. he ran past me to the front door and up out to the front gate. A woman was waiting outside I had seen her before. she was Dave's sister in-law. Mum always called her a "dutty bitch" I don't know why but it didn't matter to me, I ws only a child I didn't even know what bitch ment. Mum pushed passed me out the front door swearing and shouting at both of them. Dave ignored Mum and carried on talking to the other woman. Dave then came walking back towards the door with mum behind him still shouting. The woman stayed at the top of the gate and watched the comotion. I could see Dave's eyes filled with anger. He turned to my mum pushed her to the floor and satarted to punch her repeatedly. she screamed and cried. the woman came running down from the top of the gate "Stop! Dave stop. Just stop!" she shouted she tried to pull his arm but anger had taken over him. I screamed. I just stood there and screamed. My mum was being beaten by my stepdad infront of me I could not believe what I was seeing.

Finally it stopped. mum got up, looked at me and ushered me into the house. I looked back to see Dave walking to his car. The woman walked to her car and they both drove off.

Mum did not say a word to me. Not even to go to my room. I sat queitly in the chair just staring at my mum. She picked up the phone and started to dial a number. "Suzanne? Sorry to call you this late......." she told my aunt the whole story. She then put down the phone and sat back in the chair oposit me. she looked like she was in a daze, just staring at the wall in silence. suddendly there was a knock on the door. I could hear chatting outside. Mum ran to the door and in came my Aunt Suzanne. Aunt Julia and Aunt Cassy. "So tell us what the fuck is going on." Aunt julia said.

I knew it was going to be a long night.